Project the First

Theoretically promoting a book is proving to be quite the challenge. It’s not like a film where you can play the best parts in under 2 minutes. So as for ideas, they aren’t particularly profound or ground-breaking, but hey, no publicity is bad publicity.

Idea the first:

Create captivating posters. Put them by pay phones, in alleyways, on streetlights. Get people to stop and think about what they’re looking at. I don’t mean posters like, “here’s the book cover of the first edition of Survivor. Go read it.” I mean posters with references from the book that will draw readers in. At the beginning of the novel, the protagonist, Tender Branson, puts little stickers advertising himself as a suicide counselor (he’s not), but he’s really just using them to abuse power and tell suicidal people to kill themselves. But say you were walking down the road and saw one of these. Wouldn’t it make you stop and look into its roots further? For example:                                    

The number is the book's ISBN

       

Idea the second:

Creedish Cult member Halloween costumes! Don’t you hate seeing the same costumes year after year? Seriously, how many variations of a sexy nurse or zombie can you do? Not many. The Halloween industry needs a new muse. Search no more, industry! It’s Tender Branson to the rescue! For men, the costumes will consist of one unfitted, long-sleeved white shirt, baggy, pocketless pants, and a hideous brown wool coat. It doesn’t get more attractive than this! For the girls, unflattering maxi skirts and equally atrocious blouses. With costumes like these, you’ll be the model of an obedient Tender or Biddy and stand out! Huzzah!

Idea the third:

Tender Branson candy! We all know candy is more interesting when it pushes boundaries and maybe becomes a little scandalous. A little, mind you. Ever wanted your pills to taste delicious and heal you at the same time? Of course you have! The next time you go to reach for that boring Ibuprofen, opt for a Kohlercaine or Geriamazone instead. If you’re feeling adventurous, take both and mix in some Jodazones! You won’t have to worry about overdosing—it’s only chocolate candy! Each candy comes in its own prescription bottle.  Keep out of reach of kids—they’ll just try to take it from you! Just follow Tender Branson’s path and you’ll be set for life. And while you’re at it, grab a Latin dictionary and help Branson Inc. create and patent new candy names! Yum!

Book is a book is a book is a book...

...But you lose a certain sense of real when you read it on a screen.
A book is a round-trip ticket to an unkown destination. Whether or not you've read a summary, reviews, or seen the movie, you still won't know the whole story until you've read it.
They're like vacations that sell at AAA. Sure, the brochures might have a high-gloss finish of a white sand beach and skies so blue they must be photoshopped (they are), but you won't truly know what you're in for until you go there. They're kind of like that.
When you go on any kind of trip, it'll be memorable. Good or bad. Successful or disastrous. That trip will be sandwiched in that period of time in your life. If you write in the margins, you'll know what you were thinking. Coffee stain? That day you bought overpriced coffee and the new guy overfilled the cup. Remember? Books can be blank, but the ones that are read typically aren't. Unless you're obsessed with book cleanliness or something.
The same can't be said for reading on a Kindle, iPad, uh...Nook or whatever. It's a technologically dominated world. I share Tom Piazza's view of"I mean, you can give somebody a book; it has weight, it’s a gesture of faith in the future." The same can't be said for an eBook. It's like downloading every piece of music online and not looking at a CD. Or better, a record. Yes, I am one of those people.
It's reading things electronically that eradicates the personal value of books. Your iPad's "pages" will never fray. They will never be dog-eared. Or stained. Wrinkled. Torn. Memorable.
But you know what, Joe Meno, vous avez des idées avec lesquelles je suis d'accord. "The fact that books provide us the place to imagine is critically important, as it is there, in the imagination, that all sense of possibility rests." Sorry for the quote bomb. But yeah, I agree that the imagination that comes with reading a book of any kind is attributed to the person, not to the physical form of the book.
But I still want my hard cover and ripped pages and notes in the margins.
Once you read a book, really read it, not like skim-it-and-read-summaries-like-you-probably-did-for-Shakespeare, it sticks with you. You can't un-read it. Whether it meant a lot to you or not, you'll remember it. But mostly if it meant a lot to you.
Books take you places and when you leave it, you leave those places, and you can go back but when you read it the second time it won't be the same as the first time. When you read it the third time it won't be the same as the second. If you never read it again, then you'll never go back to that place. But you were there once, and that's what matters. Even if you read it on your $80 surrogate book.

I read because I'm literate and I can

But also because I enjoy it. Like, really.
There are things that are conveyed better through written word than through a sitcom (save Community) or a movie or a play.
There are allusions that only certain people would understand. You can read anything written by anyone, whether it's Vonnegut quality or John Green mediocre. You can also read things that appeal to you, unlike movies where the selection is much smaller. Many movies exist because they appeal to a wide variety of people, but books can be published online and therefore you can find something that appeals to you and not every Twi-hard in the world. This is a really incoherent post.
Some books I read because they are hilarious. Like The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams. It's one of those entertaining and educating books. For example, I learned that the answer to life is 42 and the question could be "how many roads must a man walk down?" Everyone loves a good Bob Dylan allusion.

The Sole Survivor

Chuck Palahniuk. Not to be mistaken for Saint Nick.
(http://chuckpalahniuk.net/)

     49-year-old transgressional fiction novelist Chuck Palahniuk (pronounced pal-uh-nik, it's deceivingly simple) is best known for his grand chef d'oeuvre Fight Club (1996). Born in Pasco, Washington, this bestselling author attended University of Oregon's School of Journalism and worked at the ever-compelling NPR station. He didn't meet immediate success with his writing and turned to the life of a diesel mechanic and hospice volunteer.
     Later on, he joined the Cacophony Society--a club composed of free spirits in search of something greater(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chuck_palahniuk). But as the name suggests a certain sense of calamity, it's probably important to say it was formed by members of the now-defunct Suicide Club. As violent as it sounds, the club was really just for pulling anarchic pranks. As of 2008, the now openly gay Palahniuk has settled down in a "former church compound outside Vancouver, Washington" with his partner(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chuck_palahniuk).
     Tom Spanbauer, another openly gay American writer, has greatly influenced Palahniuk's works. Many of Palahniuk's first writings were rejected by publishers because the content was too disturbing. I'd have to agree with that as I read Snuff (2008) and have  never been more disturbed by a book in my life. That kind of material doesn't come from a sunshine-and-daisies kind of life.
     In 1999, his father began dating a woman who had been sexually abused by her ex-boyfriend who was then in prison. One night, her ex followed them home and shot the life out of Palahniuk's father and his father's girlfriend. Then burned their home because murder just wasn't enough(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chuck_palahniuk).
     Palahniuk has been criticized for disturbing material, nihilistic writings, and for writing what some believe is just to top shock value on top of shock value for the most disturbing read possible.
     From what I've read so far of the backwards-page-numbered Survivor and while it is nihilistic and disturbing, I also find it extremely intriguing. It's not everyday you pick up a book about a man who teaches etiquette to pathetic rich couple, plays god over botched suicide hotline numbers, and tells his life story to a black box on a hijacked plane(courtesy of his own hand) that is rapidly losing fuel.

     I should also mention that I've gathered that from only the first few chapters. Chapters 47 through 44, that is.

In the words of the writer of the Agony Column, Rick Kleffler, says "[Palahniuk's] prose whistles by at the speed of light. It's so easy to read, you barely notice how thought-provoking it is. He combines genres with such natural grace, you'll never suspect that the nicely-formatted literary-looking trade paperback you're holding has all the elements of a horror-thriller."

Nicely said.